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Zagat Restaurant Reviews

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This “crappy restaurant” serves “food that could kill you.” Be prepared for the possibility of “spending the night in the emergency room.” The food and the decor have “absolutely nothing to do with a castle.” The crowd is mostly “the dregs of the earth.”

This bodega (116th and 2nd) sells food with “no redeeming qualities.” Most items are “brands nobody has ever heard of.” The man at the register is “impatient and has a very large knife. I guess you would call it a sword.” His cat makes it her business to “walk over each and every piece of food in the store.” The only item “recommended is the Slim Jims.” If you hear any loud sounds in or around this bodega, it’s “not firecrackers.”

You will never find out first hand how great Le Bernardin is because you will never get a reservation at this  “5-star restaurant.” If you do get one, be prepared to pay “$300 for a slice of bread and $75 for an after dinner mint.” The waiters are “extremely annoying and pretentious.” They were at our table so often, cleaning every little crumb off our table and refilling our water glasses, that “we thought they were part of our party…or we were on some hidden camera show”. Everything on the menu is “unpronounceable and sound unappetizing.” The portions were so small we went “directly to White Castle” afterwards.”

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