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When People Say ______, They Really Mean ______

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When someone starts a sentence with “I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but…”
they are about to hurt your feelings.

 

When Bill Clinton said “I did not have sex with that woman”
he meant “I got a BJ.”

 

When your wife says “The garbage in the kitchen is full”
she means “Throw it out…NOW.”

 

When someone says to you “I like your shirt”
they mean “I have nothing to say to you.”

 

When the doctor asks you “Have you been exercising?”
he means “Man, do you look out of shape!”

 

When your wife says “Which shoe do you like better?”
and you answer “The left one”
you mean “I could care less. We are late. Let’s go!”

 

When a politician says “If elected, I will shake things up”
he means “Elect me and I’ll be just as corrupt as the last guy…
and it will be too late to do anything about it.”

 


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