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Tweets from The World’s Oldest Living Man

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“I’m 114 years old…
My new girlfriend is only 96 years old…
I call her “Jailbait.” 

“Call me paranoid, but I think
the world’s second oldest man
is trying to kill me.”

“That new Lady Gaga song
sounds like a Madonna rip-off.”

“Let me give you the answer
to a question I get a lot:
“Yes, it still works.”

“I’m so proud of my good friend,
going all the way back
to 6th grade, Larry King”

“I love tweeting,
but it leaves me less time
to play Xbox.”

“If one more person makes a joke
about my birthday cake
setting off fire alarms,
I’m going to knock them out.”

“My secret to a long life is…
uh…uh…uh…what was I saying?”

“I slept with 3 of the 4 Golden Girls”

“Tomorrow is a big day…
it’s my youngest sons’ 90th birthday.
He’s a good boy and we are very close.
In fact, he lives on
the same floor as me
here at the nursing home.”

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