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Tweets From The Rockefeller Center Xmas Tree

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“If this is a free country why was I cut down,
driven here against my will,
strung up with lights and put on display .
And then, when the holidays are over, they are going to kill me.”

“Man, Al Roker looks like he put on some weight.”

“This city is so damn expensive.
Yesterday  they charged me $43 for a turkey sandwich at the Dean & Deluca across the street.” 

“Trees can’t ice skate. Very frustrating.”

“Those lights are hot. Extremely hot. Burning hot.
Please, someone, anyone, get me some water.
Better yet, find the plug and yank it out of the wall.”

“Tourists are annoying…and easily impressed.
They act as though they’e  never seen a tree before.”

“I hope nobody gets the stupid idea of occupying me.”

“You’d think they would at least give me
a couple of tickets to “Saturday Night Live.”

“Enough with the picture taking, people.”

“This isn’t how I envisioned living out my golden years.”


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