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Tweets From Suri Cruise

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I’m not surprised they are getting divorced.
All my mom would do all day is yell at my dad
for jumping on the couch.


My dad introduced me to John Travolta last week.
Boy, those two really like each other.


What’s a “sham marriage?”
Everyone keeps saying my parents have one.


One of my dresses costs more than you make in a year.


I hate when people call me “Siri.”
Do I look like a talking iPhone app?


My dad says even though they are getting divorced
he will still take me to visit his home planet.


My dad is very controlling.
About everything.
When we play Monopoly he would always
force my mom to be the thimble.


My dad says he wants me to be a scientologist.
No way.
Science is my worst subject in school.


I heard my mom used to be an actress.
Then she met daddy.


I also heard my dad used to be a mega star.
Then he met mom.




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