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Tweets From Snooki’s Baby

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How can it be that I’m only a few days old
and already speak better English
than my mom and her friends?


Just my luck that out of all the celebrities in the world,
Snooki turns out to be one of my parents.
Why couldn’t it be someone cool, like Tom Cruise?
On second thought, maybe that’s not such a great example.


Today mom took me to a magical place
where you go into a room and 10 minutes
later come out with a tan.


What the hell is my last name?
Do I even have one?
Is my mom’s real name Rosemary?
I’m asking because someone on the internet
said I was her baby.


My diapers have the Jersey Shore logo on them…
now that’s embarrassing!


What’s the opposite of winning the lottery?
Whatever it is, that’s me.


One thing’s for sure about mom’s friends:
There’s not a rocket scientist in the bunch.
There isn’t even a toll collector.


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