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Tweets From Kobe Bryant’s Almost-Ex-Wife

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“Ya know what’s funny?
I can’t shoot a basketball to save my life
and I’m going to get half of everything.

“Kobe’s gone. That’s good.
Now if I can only get Phil Jackson to move out of our guest room.” 

“I have a feeling Kobe will be spending the holidays with his ho-ho-ho’s.”

“Kobe plays for the Lakers.
In bed I played for the Fakers.”

“Things to do today:
Spend money,
spend more money
and then spend even more money.”

“VH-1 just called: “Basketball Wives” here I come”

“You could say “He’s got to “turnover” lots of cash to me.”

“I have a rule I sorta stole from the NBA:
Cheat 6 times and you’re thrown out.”

 “Ya know that 4-million-dollar ring
he gave me during his sexual assault trial?
I think I’ll buy a pair of 4-million dollar earrings to match.”

“Tomorrow I plan to do something I’ve wanted to do for a long time:
Buy Clippers season tickets.”

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