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(Possibly Made Up) Tweets from Ann Curry

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They want ratings?
I’ll give them ratings.
Watch on my last day when I kick Matt Lauer in the balls.

 

My replacement?
Either  Ho(e)da or Savannah.
Is it just me or are they stripper names?
I bet if my name were Bambi
I’d still have a job.

 

I asked my agent what he thought NBC’s plan was,
and he said “Getting rid of Curry in a hurry”

 

Don’t tell Al Roker, but I
re-calibrated his scale
so that every time he gains a pound
it goes down a pound.

 

At one point the higher-ups at Today,
desperate for ratings,
suggested I get a bad disease,
since that had worked for Good Morning America.

 

Every day, without fail, Matt asks me the same thing:
“So what are you again?
Polynesian? Japanese? Hawaiian?”

 

Actually, at first, Matt thought I was from India
because my last name was Curry.

 

I wish they would fire me already so I don’t
have to be here for another year of
“Where In The World Is Matt Lauer?”
Where is he? Who gives a crap?

 

They might give me $10-million to leave.
One question:
“Where do I sign?”

 


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