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Today In History…On Mars

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The Curiosity rover has landed safely on Mars,
which got me thinking about how little
we know about the history of the Red Planet.
So, as a public service, I’ve compiled a list of things
that happened Today In History On Mars.

** Note: Years are based on the Mars calendar


 

Today In History On Mars:

 

Year 1.9:
The word “Martian” is outlawed.
Beings from Mars are now called Mars-lings.
Also outlawed: The word flugelhorn.

 

Year 2.3:
Same-sex Mars-lings are given the right to marry and
affordable health care is guaranteed for all.

 

Year 2.8:
Our most popular tours from Mars to Roswell, New Mexico begin.

 

Year 4.8:
War Of The Worlds is broadcast on planet Earth
and remains one of Mars’ greatest practical jokes.
To this day, no one has discovered the truth
that Orson Welles was one of us.

 

Year 5.5:
Cartoon actor Marvin The Martian arrives on Earth.
Apparently his career in show business
had gone as far as possible on Mars
and his agent advises him he is ready to
travel to Earth and achieve universal success.

 

Year 7.1:
The best-selling book
Men Are From Earth, Women Are From Uranus
is released.

 

Year 7.2:
Our planet’s lawsuit against
the Mars Corporation, makers of Mars Bars,
for trademark infringement is thrown out of court.
No surprise considering we
were the visiting planet in the case.

 

Year 7.7:
Mars-ling Mitt Romney is sent to Planet Earth
in a plot to make him President of the U.S.
He arrives 2 weeks later
with not a hair out of place…
and his battery-pack fully-charged.

 

Year 9.8:
Our intel reveals this is the image used on Earth    
to portray an alien from Mars. (Image right)
Little do they know that it’s a picture of
our planet’s most popular comedian,
Shecky-XP3.

 


 

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