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The Tweets of Bin Laden’s Next-Door Neighbor

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“I had heard a rumor that MTV bought the house
to quarantine all the guys who slept with Snooki.”

“The only thing I ever saw the mailman bring them
was those red envelopes from Netflix.”

“Now it makes sense:
Last Halloween someone came trick or treating
as Osama Bin Laden and his costume looked so real.
Scarily real.
I do remember he was elated
when I gave him a Snickers Bar.”

“They didn’t have a phone, didn’t have cable.
I don’t know about you,
but I couldn’t have survived one day there!”

“I can’t believe Katie Couric and Meredith Viera
are both leaving their jobs.”

“Man, am I’m glad my son didn’t jump over
Bin Laden’s fence to get his ball.”

“The only thing I ever heard coming from their house?
Someone playing Ricky Martin albums over and over.”

“It could have been worse:
Charlie Sheen could have been my next door neighbor.”

“This is the biggest thing to happen
in this town since the video of my
cousin’s dancing camel
got one-million hits on YouTube.”

“And to think, I was mad when they
didn’t invite me to their big New Years Party.”

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