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The (Extremely) Unofficial Preview of the 2012 Summer Olympics In London

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They are still working out the kinks,
but the plan is to have all races timed using Big Ben.


Due to security concerns,
some events have already taken place.
So, congratulations to the winners:
Pippa Middleton, Keith Richards and Sporty Spice.


Because of the state of the world economy,
all medals will now be made out of recycled paper.


Despite their country’s money woes,
The Olympic Team from Greece will compete.
Greek officials admit it’s a long walk
but are confident the team will arrive in London on time.
Oh, and if you have any bathing suits you’re not using,
their swimming team could really use them.


Katie Holmes has qualified for all track events,
after shattering all records while running away from Tom Cruise.


This will be the first Olympics ever without the Olympic Torch.
Instead they will use an app that simulates a flame.


Mitt Romney planned to attend,
but is too busy campaigning.
So, he donated $10-million to the Olympic committee
and now the shot put competition will be held
in Mitt’s backyard.


In boxing, look for a bout pitting the Gallagher brothers
from Oasis against each other.
In a bar.


Elton John says he will attend…
if they add men’s bodybuilding as an event.
George Michael, too.


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