Posts Tagged by Twitter

The Lengths That Kids Today Will Go To Avoid Having To Make An Actual Phone Call

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Email Text IM Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Pinterest Telegram Telex Pony Express Postcard Pager Smoke signals Carrier pigeon Skywriting FedEx Message in a bottle Lie Steal Cheat Kidnapping Draw Something Tin cans and string more

Mitt Romney’s Uncensored Tweets From The Morning After

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  Attention all bosses who threatened to fire their workers if I lost: Don’t do it!! Instead, let me do it.   Ann promised me a special surprise if I won. (wink, wink) Darn! And I wanted a new polo pony so bad.   I can’t believe I lost to a Muslim with no birth […] more

Random Friday: Featuring The Battle Of The Divas, The Return of Chris Brown & Rihanna, The Debate About The Debate And More

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Secretary of State Hillary Clinton dropped everything this week and rushed to Charlotte, North Carolina in an attempt to broker a peace deal between Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj.   She couldn’t get them to make up, but I have an idea that will help the two American Idol judges coexist in harmony: Some good […] more

Why Stop At September? Apple Rumors/Predictions Fot The Rest Of 2012

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    Report: Apple To Announce iPhone 5, iPad Mini At Sept. 12 Event   It’s just an unconfirmed rumor at this point… but what the hell? Why not take it a step further and map out the Apple rumors/predictions for the rest of the year.   Sept 22: All new iPhones are recalled, due […] more

Katie Holmes Joins Twitter??: Her First Tweets (Or Maybe Not)

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  Follow me on Twitter. Don’t follow me in real life like those Scientology goons.   Man am I tired… Just spent the last hour jumping on the couch after finally filing for divorce.   Went to get ice cream with Suri. We both got cookies and cream cones just because Tom would only allow […] more

Tweets From The Photographer Who (Allegedly) Got Punched By Alec Baldwin

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Alec Baldwin punches Daily News photographer after obtaining marriage license in New York with fiancee Hilaria Thomas Yes…I finally did it! I have been now punched by every Baldwin brother!   As far as 30 Rock goes, I’ve now been punched by everyone on the show… except for Tracy.   Why did he punch me? All […] more

Tweets From An Anonymous Real-Life Flesh-Eating Zombie/Cannibal Dude

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    #1 on my bucket list: Be one of the few survivors of a plane crash. On a desolate island.   Funny, I always thought Chinese people would taste like Chinese food. They don’t.   My doctor says I need to cut back on my salt intake, which means I’ll have to start eating […] more

Fortune Cookies For The 21st Century

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Fortune Cookies haven’t changed much over the years, so I think a makeover that reflects the world we live in today is long overdue.                                                               […] more

“Microwaves Are Supposed To Smell Like Burnt Popcorn, Right?” And More Random Tweets from Random People

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Mike D’antoni On Twitter

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    “Well, the good news is I will finally have time to organize my Pez dispenser collection.”   “Do you think it was because of my “non-New York” accent?”   “Do you think it was because of my 70’s moustache?”   “Let’s just say that if I resigned and didn’t quit, then Jennifer Aniston […] more

 


 

“Well, the good news is I will finally have time to organize my Pez dispenser collection.”

 

“Do you think it was because of my “non-New York” accent?”

 

“Do you think it was because of my 70’s moustache?”

 

“Let’s just say that if I resigned and didn’t quit,
then Jennifer Aniston is a man.
And Melo is a team player.”

 

“Man, I should have put a lot more time into my March madness picks…
now that I’ll probably be watching every game.”

 

“They fired my brother too.
And you know he’s not getting another job
until I get one and then hire him.”
#Loser

 

“I’m thinking about writing a book about tattoos,
considering I’ve seen basically every design ever.
Up close.”

 

“I wanted to buy one of those new iPads,
but now I have no job.
Damn you, James Dolan.”


“Screw Linsanity!!”