Posts Tagged by The Academy Awards

The Harshest Critiques From The Harshest Fashion Critic In The World, Mr. I. Hate Everything

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“There’s no silver lining I can find when it comes to the design of this dress.” “Makes me want to shoot the designer with a bow and arrow.” “The devil wears Prada. And Anne should have, too.” “Would have been better off wearing one of those schmattas from Les Miserables.” “Did you know Hayek means […] more

Tweets From Oscar (Yes, The Award)

oscar

    I have one word for all presenters and winners: Purell.   My cousin is one lucky bastard. Halle Berry won him and keeps him in her bedroom.   The Fashion Police criticize me for wearing the same thing every year. Do they think I have a choice? Do they think I don’t have […] more

 


oscar


 

I have one word for all presenters and winners:
Purell.

 

My cousin is one lucky bastard.
Halle Berry won him and keeps him in her bedroom.

 

The Fashion Police criticize me for wearing
the same thing every year.
Do they think I have a choice?
Do they think I don’t have feelings?

 

Mel Gibson locked my uncle in his attic
as soon as he found out he was Jewish.

 

What do I do the rest of the year?
Train my body to stay awake till the show ends.

 

Where’s my damn award for standing still for so long?

 

Shout-out to my wife, Emmy!
(Do people still give shout-outs?)