Posts Tagged by President Obama

Overheard at President Obama’s
Inauguration 2013

inauguration13

“I get the feeling there’s something going on between the President and Beyonce.”   “I get the feeling there’s something going on between Bill Clinton and Beyonce and Kelly Clarkson.”   “I wrote a poem about the poet. It’s called You Bore Me.”   “Great news… Jodi Foster was supposed to speak… but had to […] more

Random Friday: Featuring Obama And Mitt Hanging In The White House, David Wright And Twinkie Executives Cashing In And More

random1130

David Wright has accepted a 7-year, $122 million contract extension from the NY Mets, although now I’m hearing it might be off, as the whole thing was contingent on Fred Wilpon winning Powerball.   Not a single person was reported shot, stabbed or slashed in New York City on Monday, which means there were no […] more

Random Friday: Featuring The End Of Twinkies, The President On Staten Island, Relief For Mets Fans and More

random1116

  President Obama traveled to Staten Island to see firsthand the devastation caused by Hurricane Sandy. Upon arrival, the President was quoted as saying “Are you kidding me? The toll was how much??”   Who says FEMA doesn’t have a sense of humor? They’ve declared Citi Field a disaster area and have promised each and […] more

Mitt Romney’s Uncensored Tweets From The Morning After

mitttweets

  Attention all bosses who threatened to fire their workers if I lost: Don’t do it!! Instead, let me do it.   Ann promised me a special surprise if I won. (wink, wink) Darn! And I wanted a new polo pony so bad.   I can’t believe I lost to a Muslim with no birth […] more

Don’t Just Sit There: Things To Do While Watching The Presidential Election Results

electionbooboo

  Do pushups. Take your vitamins. This could be the last day you can afford to get sick. Literally.   Drinking Game For Non-Drinkers: Take a shot every time Fox News says something/anything that’s “Fair and Balanced.”   Bake something: How about a Mitt Romney cake: Extra vanilla frosting and white cake. Or a President […] more

The Answers Given During The Obama-Romney Debate… Before It Even Happens

DEBATE

  President Obama’s Answers:   Yes, I am a citizen of the U.S. No, I am not Muslim. Yes, I would leave Michelle for Halle Berry. My favorite movie is White Men Can’t Jump. I root for all teams from Chicago. Yes, I am strongly in favor of lowering the tax on cigarettes. Did I […] more

Tweets From Mitt Romney

Romney-Surprised-600x374

  How come no one secretly tapes me when I’m doing something mundane, like shooting the breeze with my chauffeurs?   After I win the election I plan to go on vacation. To the Cayman Islands. To visit my money.   I made my money the old-fashioned way: By buying companies at rock bottom prices, […] more

Random Friday: Featuring Obama’s Aliens, The Ann Curry Decision, Hillary’s Travel Record and More

random629

  It was a big week for The Supreme Court. There was that health care thing and they upheld NBC’s decision to fire Ann Curry.   A Great ObamaCare Tweet:   A new poll reveals Americans want Obama as President if aliens invade. No one has asked the Aliens who they’d prefer if Americans invade […] more

Things Bloomberg Will Ban Next, Best Ways To Annoy Mitt Romney and More “Sets of 3”

bloomberg3

  Things Mayor Bloomberg Will Ban Next: 1. Feeding pigeons  2. Hailing a cab with your left hand 3. The word bodega   Mitt Romney’s Favorite Things Growing Up: 1. His silver spoon 2. Grey Poupon 3. Bullying gay kids   Best Ways To Annoy Mitt Romney: 1.Pull out his batteries 2.Hide his Just For […] more

An Open Letter To Donald Trump

trump

                      Dear Mr. Trump, You obviously have way too much free time on your hands, considering you once again have asked to see President Obama’s birth certificate. Well, two can play at your game. The people have some questions about YOU they’d like answered, so […] more

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Mr. Trump,

You obviously have way too much free time on your hands,
considering you once again have asked to see
President Obama’s birth certificate.
Well, two can play at your game.
The people have some questions
about YOU they’d like answered,
so please provide the following paperwork ASAP:

 

Notarized proof stating the EXACT date
you convinced yourself people actually care
about what you have to say.

 

Copies of your REAL income statements,
NOT the FAKE ones you talk about
that, for some strange reason, have extra zeros.

 

Your wife’s birth certificate.

 

Your ex-wife’s birth certificate.

 

The form letter you use when dumping your wife
for a newer version.

 

A certificate providing proof you attended
an anti-bullying class

 

A notarized letter, signed by your sons,
promising that they will not kill
any more elephants or leopards
just for the hell of it.

 

The address and phone number of your barber so we can
find out what incredible psychological tricks
he uses to convince you your
 hair looks great.
(Hard to believe this is the first mention of your hair)

 

A promise you will never refer to “The Apprentice”
as the #1 TV show in America.

You always do…and it’s not.

 

And let’s close with some advice:
Want to sell apartments?
When you name your next building don’t use the word “Trump.”

 

Sincerely,

All Americans Who Don’t Have The Last Name “Trump”