Posts Tagged by Abe Lincoln

Tweets From Abe Lincoln,
Star of the Hit Film Lincoln
(In Theatres Now)

abelincoln

  You know why they didn’t make a movie about George Washington? Because no one gives a crap about that damn cherry tree story.   I don’t take off work for my birthday… so explain to me why the hell the rest of the country does?   After everything I’ve done for this country, how […] more

Going To The Movies? The Subtle Differences Between Abe Lincoln & James Bond (So You Don’t Go To The Wrong One By Mistake)

lincolnbond

The Richard Simmons 2012 Baseball Preview and More Things Coming Up In April Here At “It’s Not On The Test”

richard-simmons-v3s

    My Exclusive Interview With The Wife of the Loch Ness Monster   Abe Lincoln’s Porn Collection   Our Search for “America’s Fattest Senior Citizen”   Richard Simmons’ 2012 Baseball Preview   50 Everyday Uses for Diet Root Beer Soda   14th Century Art: An Appreciation   My Exclusive  Interview With The Mistress of […] more

“Moses In Hot Water” and Other Historic Letters from Historic People

article-1313946-0B4A70CC000005DC-965_634x337

      Dear Moses, I know you parting the red sea was a miraculous feat, but the least you could have done when  finished was put it back the way it was. Scientists say this oversight could cause something  called “global warming.” I have no idea what that means, but I don’t think it’s […] more

If Abe Lincoln Were On Twitter Back In The Day/President’s Day

abelincoln

    “I don’t take off work for my birthday… so explain to me why the hell the rest of the country does?”   “After everything I’ve done for this country, how do they pay me back? By putting my picture on the damn penny!! The penny!!!! What an insult!!!”    “Great news…my log  cabin […] more

 


 

“I don’t take off work for my birthday…
so explain to me why the hell
the rest of the country does?”

 

“After everything I’ve done for this country,
how do they pay me back?
By putting my picture on the damn penny!!
The penny!!!! What an insult!!!” 

 

“Great news…my log  cabin is being featured
in this month’s “Log Cabin Digest.”

 

“Chicks dig my beard.”

 

“Don’t tell anyone but  I used Wikipedia
as a source when I wrote
“The Gettysburg Address”

 

“Things to do today:
1. Buy milk
2. Free the slaves
3. Get a haircut”

 

“Going to the theatre tonight.
Should be a blast.” (too soon?)

 

“Honest Abe, my ass. I will lie and cheat
all day long to get what I want. I’m gangsta!”

 

“Here’s a little joke I just made up:
Q: What do I make in the bathroom?
A: Lincoln Logs”