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Santa’s “To-Do” List Before The Big Day

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Eat lots of carbs (No problem)

Check my list (Twice)

Check my DO NOT DELIVER list  (Mainly Jewish kids) 

Cancel my weekend Zumba class (Hasn’t helped anyway)

Write bonus checks for Elves (Note: Some have direct deposit)

Go on the TV show “AM North Pole” to promote my new book
(101 Ways To Cook Reindeer)

Call Geico to find out why my sleigh insurance went up
(I guess 15 minutes only saves you money on car insurance)

Tell Elves that most of them will be laid off
(Hey, it’s not my fault kids don’t want toys…just iPods, iPads and iPhones)

Remind Prancer he has to shoot that Gay Rights promo
(What did you expect with a name like Prancer?)

DVR MTV’s Jersey Shore Marathon
(Hey, don’t judge me…everyone has their TV guilty pleasures)

Hide all the liquor from Mrs. Claus (She tends to overdo it while I’m away)

Call lawyer to get an update on my defamation of character suit against the makers of the movie “Bad Santa” (Bastards)

Pack my allergy medicine
(All that dust from the fireplaces really does a number on me)


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