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There will be life on Mars:
Mission to create first human colony by 2023 – and it will be filmed for
reality TV show
Seven-month mission to be financed by reality show on Earth
By 2033, there will be 20 people living on Mars
Mission backed by co-creator of Big Brother and Nobel-winning physicists
Reality show on Earth will finance mission
Tang will NOT be involved in this project as they have
an exclusivity agreement with the moon.
The flight is extremely long, so it is recommended that they bring along
lots of Word Search puzzle books.
They’ll also have plenty of time to prepare their wills,
since they’re never coming back.
One of the astronauts is gay. That’s a first!
He’s going to prove once and for all that Mars, know as the Red Planet,
is actually Magenta.
(BTW: Same sex marriage has been legal on Mars for 17 light years)
One of the astronauts volunteered for the mission, saying
“It’s my dream to go to Mars and finally be on a planet
that has no Kardashians.
The food? Mainly blintzes.
And the “one bag of almonds per astronaut” rule
will be strictly adhered to.
The flight, usually 22 months, will be longer than planned
thanks to construction on Galaxy 6.
If successful, the producers plan a spinoff: “Mars’ Next Top Model”
In preparation, the participants must be fluent in Martian
and pass the Martian Regents.