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Random Friday: Featuring Obama And Mitt Hanging In The White House, David Wright And Twinkie Executives Cashing In And More

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David Wright has accepted a 7-year, $122 million
contract extension from the NY Mets,
although now I’m hearing it might be off,
as the whole thing was contingent
on Fred Wilpon winning Powerball.

 

Not a single person was reported shot, stabbed or slashed
in New York City on Monday,
which means there were no winners in
the NYC Shot, Stabbed Or Slashed Lottery.

 

Speaking of lotteries, I didn’t win Powerball,
which leads me to this question:
Does anyone know the return policy on yachts?

 

The top baby names for 2012 have been revealed:
For boys it’s Aiden.
For girls it’s Sophia.
For drag queens it’s MonaLott.

 

The guy who got a Mitt Romney face tattoo
is having it removed.
At the same time he will also be getting
his head removed from his ass.

 

President Obama and Mitt Romney
met for a private lunch at the White House on Thursday.
Things got a bit uncomfortable
when Romney asked the President
if it were all right if he could use his name
when he’s asked if he has any black friends.

 

You know what would make this world better?
An iPad that’s bigger than the iPad mini
yet smaller than the original iPad.

 

How is it possible that Radio Shack is still in business?

 

Hostess execs are getting big bonuses while workers lose jobs.
But money can’t make up for the fact that every time someone
asks them what they do for a living,
they have to say “Twinkie Executive.”

 

Just added to my bucket list:
Clubbing with Lindsay Lohan.

 


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