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Random Friday

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If there’s a private club and two of its members
are named “Newt” and “Mitt,”
I’m POSITIVE I wouldn’t be allowed in.
And that’s okay, because I wouldn’t want to.

In Case You’re Not That Good At Math:
Tomorrow is the second day of the rest of your life.

It seems like every time I go on Facebook they’ve made more changes.
Is it just me or is it starting to look a lot like “MySpace?”

Howard Stern has signed on to be a judge on “America’s Got Talent.”
I’m pretty sure this will be the first time Stern will  judge a competition that doesn’t include naked lesbians, midgets or transexuals.

According to the NY Post, Derek Jeter provides
women he’s slept with a car to take them home.
Waiting in his car is a gift basket which includes a signed baseball.
Which explains why when I ran into Jeter last week
and asked how he was doing he said
“Great. Last night I gave away 6 autographed balls.”

Google is set to unveil a rival to Apple’s Siri voice control system.
The program will be called Majel.
Great, just what the world needs:
Another know-it-all woman.

Donald Trump was supposed to moderate an upcoming Republican Debate but has pulled out. According to Trump “I believe this would not only have been the most watched debate, but also the most substantive and interesting debate.” (No joke necessary. He is a joke  How can you top that?)


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