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People Are Writing Letters Again: Part 3

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Dear Mr. Barnes,

How many times can I tell you:
No receipt, no refund.


Dear Basic Cable,

Enough with the cooking competition shows!
I can’t even remember most of their names:
“Top Chef,” “Cupcake Wars,”Borscht Battles,
“Casserole Combat,”Stromboli Struggle.”
Pick one and get rid of the rest.
This is not a joke!


Dear Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian,

Your embarrassing antics and overexposure have been
a public relations nightmare for me.

In the eyes of my 25 colleagues I am nothing but a joke.
And I thought the Klu Klux Klan gave me a bad name!!

Thanks For Nothing,
The Letter K

Dear Bert and Ernie ,

We’ve got a lot of complaints from our tenants lately concerning the loud noise coming from your apartment lately. Specifically, they say it sounds like someone being tickled. They also say it only happens when your friend Elmo is visiting. We don’t know what is going on and, frankly, we don’t want to know. Please make sure this does not happen again. As it is, we aren’t supposed to rent to puppets.

Jim MacDonald/Managing Agent-Sesame Street

Dear Mr. Kellogg,

You think we are all stupid and don’t notice that every time we buy cereal the box gets smaller and smaller.
Otherwise we plan to come to “Occupy: Battle Creek, Michigan.”

Everyone Who Buys Cereal

Dear Human Resources Director,

As we stated in our previous letter, we truly believe we would all be assets to your company, if you’d just give us a chance. We all love Target and would love to work there in any capacity. (Not to mention how we can help you during your annual game vs. WalMart.)

The NY Knicks





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