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Overheard (Every) Thanksgiving

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“Turn the football game back on.
I’m not playing.
Turn it back on.
Don’t make me get that carving knife.”

“Mommy, either Uncle Stanley is taking a nap or he’s dead…come look.

“Damn, I forgot to serve the ______________”

“The traffic was so bad that next year we are taking a private jet.”
(Obviously a One-Percenter)

“Do you have anything stronger than this Jack  Daniels?”

“The turkey is dry…like it is every year.”

“I took the kids to the Macys Parade.
We saw the balloon and floats…
and a junkie passed out right in front of us.”

“Speaking of protests, I’m going to Occupy The Bathroom right now.”

“I forgot to tell you I’m a vegetarian now.
Do you happen to have a Tofurkey?

“Don’t you think 17 kinds of cranberry sauce is overdoing it?”

“Can I get my meal to go?
I gotta get to Best Buy before they run out of  those new combination dishwasher/washing machines.”

“Maybe it’s not such a good idea for you to have a third dessert.”






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