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Nursery Rhymes…As Interpreted By A Jewish Grandmother

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Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill
(Be careful, my Jackie…that hill is very steep. And who’s this tramp Jill? Is she Jewish? I bet she’s a shiksa.)

To fetch a pail of water
(You mean to tell me you are risking your life for some water. I have plenty of water at home. What’s wrong with you? Come down now!)

Jack fell down and broke his crown
(I knew you were going to fall. I knew it. And those pants are brand new. Climbing a hill is not for a boy like you. You should be studying. And you’re wearing a crown? Who do you think you are, Mr. Fancy Shmancy?)

And Jill came tumbling after.
(I told you she was trouble, Jack. I told you. You need to find yourself a nice Jewish girl.)

Hey Diddle Diddle

Hey, diddle, diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon
The little dog laughed
To see such sport,
And the dish ran away with the spoon.

(The dish ran away with the spoon? Now I have to buy a new dish and spoon. What an inconvenience! And on top of everything, it’s raining. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy)

Hot Cross Buns

Hot cross buns!
Hot cross buns!
One a penny, two a penny,
Hot cross buns!

(Mister, I don’t want to tell you how to run your business, but you seem to be a little meshugana.
You sell one hot cross bun for a penny and you sell two hot cross buns for the same penny.
Why would anyone buy just the one? Like I said, I don’t mean to tell you what to do.
I’ll take two hot cross buns, please)


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