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Not Just The Iron: All Of The Monopoly Tokens Are Now Being Replaced

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“Breaking News: The Iron has been eliminated from Monopoly and will be replaced by a new cat token,” reads a message posted Wednesday on the game’s official Facebook page.

The pretty kitty joins the standard battleship, racer, shoe, wheelbarrow, thimble, top hat and another furry friend, the Scottie dog. It will be included in the new edition of the game, which hits stores in mid- to late 2013, Hasbro said.


Now, all of the other Monopoly tokens are getting their walking papers:
 

The Battleship:
Eliminating because:
Battleships are dinosaurs when it comes to killing people.
Replacement token:
A drone. Extremely efficient at killing people.

 

The Shoe:
Eliminating because:
Have you ever seen anyone wear a shoe that looks like this,
besides maybe Oliver Twist?
Replacement token: 
A pair of Uggs.

 

The Wheelbarrow:
Eliminating because:
Who uses a wheelbarrow?
Replacement token:
Someone who does use a wheelbarrow:an immigrant day laborer.

 

The Thimble:
Eliminating because:
Thimbles are as relevant as, um, thimbles.
Replacement token:
The person who makes all of our clothes: A 9-year-old kid from China

 

The Top Hat:
Eliminating because:
You couldn’t even buy one if you wanted to…
probably because because no one wants to.
Replacement token:
Some random ironic baseball cap

 

The Racing Car:
Eliminating because:
They’re unsafe gas guzzlers.
Replacement token:
One of those new-fangled hybrids.

 

The Scottie:
Eliminating because:
It’s currently the 1,004th most popular breed of dog.
Replacement token:
One of those popular designer mutts,
like a labradoodle, cockapoo or a pitpoo,

 



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