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News from Planet Earth…The Laughingstock of the Universe

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ACTUAL HEADLINES/ACTUAL INSANITY (just from the last couple of days)…

* click on stories for full articles

Insane” Sheen Must Stay 100 Feet from Twins (“Is “twins” referring to his kids or “his goddesses”?)

Man Jailed After Driving 35 Miles With Wife Clinging to To Hood (…and in the process, fails to break the world record of 43 miles)

Dog Eats Man’s Toes As He Sleeps (He’s lucky it was only his toes)

Owl Dies After Soccer Kick (That’s what happens when you let an owl be goalie)

Anne Hathaway, James Franco “Hate Each Other” (and all of America hates both of them for their attempt at hosting “The Oscars”)

Man Offered $200 and Above-Ground Pool To Kill Girlfriend’s Ex (The  above-ground pool makes it a no-brainer…but you knew that )

Too-Tight Gown Gets Joan Collins Sent to Hospital (Joan Collins + too tight gown= YOU’VE  GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!)

Guy Auctions Rock That Crushed House (I once saw an episode of “The Flintstones” with the same plot)

New Bible Takes Out The Word “Booty”” (and replaces it with “badonkadonk”)

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