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News From Planet Earth…The Laughingstock Of The Universe

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ACTUAL HEADLINES/ACTUAL INSANITY

(just from the last couple of days)

Michael Vick Rips “Dog Wars” App (Now let me get this straight: Actually harming dogs is okay, but doing the exact same thing in a video game is not. Makes sense.)

“Human Cannonball” Plunges To Death  (Thankfully he was in the Human Cannonball Union, so his widow will be taken care of)

Iowa Student Graduating After 19 Years Of College  (And I thought my kids were slow learners!)

San Francisco May Vote On Circumcision Ban  (This is not a fair fight…the people his affects the most are only a couple of days old.  How can they stand up against this when they can’t even stand up?)   

Library To Get Rid Of Books  (Then it would not be a library…it would just be a room)

Eating Armadillos Blamed For Leprosy  (I knew it! I knew it!)

New Life Form Discovered At Truck Stop  (Let me guess: It has on a baseball cap, sports a scraggly beard, is missing teeth and wears overalls…)

Royal Wedding Has Bookies Going Wild To Tune Of  $1.5 Million (I want to know the odds of at least 10 people in this country who actually watch  this! NOBODY CARES!)

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