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We’re not firing you…because we’re not hiring you!
(Most of) America
Dear Time Magazine,
Not sure what magazines I read,
but if “Time” is one of them,
kindly cancel my subscription
Dear Whole Foods,
Why do you charge $12 for one Eggplant? Why???
Some guy who wanted an eggplant but couldn’t afford it
Not for nuthin’, but we could have
done the exact same thing without you.
Dear Al Gore,
I think you’ve gone bonkers
with this whole “global warming” nonsense.
It’s just as cold here as it’s ever been.
P.S. What kind of name is “Tipper?”
Dear Glenn Beck,
Heard you sold your house in Connecticut and moving out of state.
I would love to swing by and help you pack so you are gone as soon as possible.
Dear Prince William,
Good luck on your wedding. Unfortunately I am suing you for copyright infringement. My lawyers will be contacted you after the honeymoon. Enjoy!
All my best,
Prince (You know, “Prince”, as in “When Doves Cry”, “Little Red Corvette”, etc
Dear Mr. Nathan Franco,
I regret to inform you I cannot take your case.
Would love to, but believe it or not you are not the only person in NYC who wants to sue Spiderman for injuries suffered during his show. Right now I have 12 injured clients and cannot possibly take on another . Sorry.