|May 16, 2011||Posted by billyrob under pop culture||
Dear Jorge Posada,
Stop complaining about batting 9th for the NY Yankees. Some people have 3 jobs just to survive. Some work in coal mines. Some don’t have jobs at all.
A Yankee Fan Who Used to Have 3 Jobs…Including Coal Miner…But Lost Them All And Has No Job At All!
Dear Kate Middleton,
We hate you!!
All Pretty British Girls In Their Mid to Late Twenties
Dear People of The Bronx,
Thanks for reminding me that it’s much safer in my cage than roaming the streets of your borough.
The Bronx Zoo Peacock
Dear All “Real Housewives” TV Stars,
None of you are “real” or “housewives.” You’ve all had tons of plastic surgery, never cleaned a toilet, vacuumed or even changed your own baby’s diaper.
All TV Viewers With A Brain
Dear All Hipsters,
How do you do it, walking around with those iPhone earbuds looking so cool?
Mine are always falling out or I am constantly adjusting them. Not Cool! What’s your secret??
I hate you!
Dear Osama Bin Laden,
I hope this letter finds you in good health. We were wondering why you haven’t yet renewed your subscription to our magazine. As an added incentive renew now and take an additional 33% off the price…plus, check the “Bill Me Later” option.
Mr. Robert Aksapin
Circulation Manager/XXXX Boobs Magazine
Dear Mr. Fabersham,
We are writing to you with some important advice. Please look at a calendar because it seems like you haven’t in a long time. The year is 2011. Your product is obsolete. Stop producing it. Stop killing all of those trees for no reason. Now.
All People On Earth, Except for a Few Senior Citizens, Who Still Use the Yellow Pages