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You don’t know me, but my name is Anthony Jennings.
I was born with a rare condition: I have two sets of balls.
I’m writing to you because I would like to give you a set.
Let me know the easiest way this can be facilitated.
Mr. Anthony Jennings
Dear Kim K.,
I got the research back and it says you would get higher ratings if you got married,
then divorced as opposed to breaking it off before the wedding.
Hope this is hopeful.
Let me know what you decide.
Dear John Boehner,
Sincerely, Me (And basically everyone I know)
Dear That Guy On The Downtown “R” Train Yesterday,
Please take a shower. And brush your teeth. And then take another shower.
Everyone Who Was On The Downtown “R” Train Yesterday
Dear Rupert Murdoch,
Please stop listening in on my phone conversations. Immediately. Who the hell do you think you are? Keep it up and I intend to get my lawyers involved. Just try me!!