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Surface, Microsoft’s Challenger to the iPad: The Features They’re NOT Telling You About

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Microsoft Introduces a Challenger to the iPad

 LOS ANGELES — In its most strategically significant push yet into the hardware business, Microsoft, on Monday unveiled a tablet computer called Surface that is intended to challenge Apple’s iPad.

 


 

No camera.
According to a Microsoft’s spokesman
“You want a camera, buy a camera.”

 

A breakthrough in technology allows you
to actually make withdrawals from your bank.
One catch: They have not figured out how to do bills yet,
so for now you can only get your money in coins.

 

Right now the only apps available in App-y, their app store, are
Angry Birds and an app that makes fart sounds.

 

Battery Life:
18 hours: If you don’t use the damn thing at all.
45 minutes: If you do.

 

GPS will be available soon,
but right now they are working out the bugs
after 3 cars wound up in a river
and 1 went through a store window during testing.

 

Includes Microsoft’s version of Siri.
It’s called Selma, an older Jewish woman
who not only answers your questions,
but gives you advice as well.
Examples:
“It’s going to get windy later, take a sweater.”
“Tell your son to break up with that tramp of a girlfriend.”
“Get a good night’s sleep, you have work in the morning.”


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