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High Profile Job Openings

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Producer/The Academy Awards:
Must be able to deal with egos, egos and more egos. Ball busters, too. Having every A-lister on speed dial required.Proficiency in Excel a plus. Ability to make a 3-hour show featuring every big name in Hollywood as boring as possible essential. 

Host/The Academy Awards:
Must have ego, ego and more ego. Not afraid to perform in front of a TV audience of one-billion. Prior hosting a plus, but not necessary. Ability to read how bad you did the next day would be extremely helpful to you and your family.

Head Football Coach/Penn State University:
Ability to be able to replace a legend with grace a must. Round the clock bodyguards will be provided by the University. Skill at dodging reporters will be required. All candidates must include resume and at least 3 successful plays they have used in the past.

Head Complainer/60 Minutes:
Must be over 70 years of age to apply. Detailed references from people you may have complained to in the past a must. Proficiency in using a typewriter and White Out required. Shouldn’t be afraid to take a nap or two during the work day. Along with your resume, please include an essay on why you find this job posting annoying.

Husband/Kim Kardashian:
Must have a high tolerance for annoying people. Not afraid to have every minute of your life videotaped. Should have at least a 6th Grade education. Must be able to NOT take a quickie divorce personally. As part of the process, all candidates must also be interviewed by every member of her family. Proficiency in Photoshop required. 

 

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