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Hey, Procrastinators…I’ve Got Your Last-Minute Tax Tips Right Here!

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Two extra days! This year the tax deadline is the 17th, but that basically means nothing to a procrastinator. Even so, if you’re scrambling right about now, here’s some last-minute tips…


 

#1. Don’t have any receipts?
Go see Vinnie down at the social club in Little Italy on Mulberry Street.
He’ll take care of you.
I don’t know how he does it, but you’ll have receipts up the wazoo.

 

#2. Want to be sure your return gets there on time?
Go online and find some
IRS agents who live in your area.

Then hand delivery your completed return to them.
They will be thrilled to see you.
It’s sort of like Halloween for IRS workers.

 

#3. What do you do if you just found out you owe money this year…
and don’t have it?
(See #1)

 

#4. Looking for a top-notch accountant on short notice?
It won’t be easy.
Keep in mind that since it is last minute
you might have
to settle for an accountant
who isn’t Jewish.

 

#5. Good news: There’s still time for you to get an extension.
Bad news: They won’t give you one for the 12th year in a row if you tell them you are competing on a reality show called “Extreme Extensions.”
(Believe me, I tried)

 

#6. Be sure your charitable donations are legit.
For instance, Mets season tickets
are NOT a charitable donation.

(Even though they should be)

 

#7. Filing your taxes online is quicker.
Plus after you get screwed by the IRS,
you can go to a porn site
and watch other people get screwed.


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