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Get a stopwatch and time how long you can go
without sneezing or coughing.
Then challenge friends who also have the flu
to beat your best record.
Call it Flu With Friends.
Watch movies and TV shows you’d be
too embarrassed to watch otherwise.
I admit I watched Adam Sandler’s Jack & Jill.
When my daughter came in the room I told her
I was sleeping and I had no idea why it was on that channel.
(She didn’t believe me.)
Count the judge shows.
Order people around
who you normally can’t order around.
That’s right, play the sympathy card for all it’s worth.
“Go to the store and get me tissues.
And a pineapple, too.
Make me toast…not too light and not too dark…with jam.
Do it. Now.”
Watch a half-hour infomercial and try and guess
the price before they actually reveal it.
Bonus points if you can figure out what they
throw in to sweeten the deal.
Open up a new box of tissues.
Before using any, count them all to
make sure each and every one of them is there.
If the numbers don’t add up, write the company
expressing your disappointment.
If they are all there, write a letter
congratulating them on a job well done.