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FAQs About The Flu (And Their Frequently Wrong Answers)

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How can I prevent getting the flu?
Avoid contact with all human beings.


What should I do if I do get it?
Have contact with as many human beings as possible…
because misery loves company.


What if I start vomiting?
Turn off E!’s “Kardashian” marathon. ASAP.


What should I do if one minute I am feeling extremely hot
and the next minute getting the chills?
Go to bed wearing a winter coat that is easy to take off.


Should I go to work?
Absolutely not.
And don’t worry.
I’m sure the person filling in for you is doing a great job.
Better than you, in fact.
(Maybe you should worry)


Should I take any medication?
Look in your medicine cabinet
for anything you think might knock you out.
Take 3.
Or 4.


Should I drink tea?
That’s all they drink on Downton Abbey
and someone on that show is always sick.


What if my body gets real achy?
Make believe it’s from overdoing it at the gym.


Can I get the flu from a flu shot?
No. That’s an urban legend.
Like alligators in the sewers.
Or Mike Tyson.


Should I use an oral thermometer or an anal one?
Either is fine. Just be sure to keep track of which is which.



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