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Excerpts From The Autobiography of Waldo (Of “Where’s Waldo” Fame)

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“My life is a living hell.
People are looking for me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

And let’s be honest, how hard am I to find,
considering I am always wearing the same damn outfit.”

 

“One thing I will never understand:
“Why the hell do they make me walk around with a cane?
My legs are 100% fine.
In fact, all the cane does is slow me down.
And “no”, it’s not a fashion statement…
that’s just not me.”

 

“My biggest regret?
My clothing line.
How was I to know I was the only one who
liked to wear a wool cap, a striped shirt and blue pants?
My plan, which backfired, was to sell lots of clothes.
Once more people dressed like me,
the easier it would be for me to hide.
By the way: Wearing a wool hat in the summer is brutal.
I’ve been meaning to talk to my agent about that.”

 

“I don’t feel appreciated at all.
“The Fugitive” was on the run, too…
and he had a TV series and a couple of movies.
All I have is those stupid kids books.
And one other thing:
They should have named it “Waldo Alert”…
Not “Amber Alert.”
Petty? Maybe.
But a drawing can only take so much.”

 

“Time to clear some things up, kids:
My first name is NOT “Where’s”
and I have no last name.
There is no “Mrs. Waldo” and
I have no girlfriend…
I’m patiently waiting for the right woman
to find me.”


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