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Celebrity News…A Year From Now

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For the second year in a row,
Natalie Portman wins an Academy Award.
This times it’s for her portrayal of a troubled actress
who drinks, gets high, steals,
goes to rehab, but never actually acts.
“The Lindsay Lohan Story” also wins
the Oscar for best cinematography.

Charlie Sheen redeems himself
and becomes a national hero
when he saves 3 babies
from a burning building.
He then returns to network TV,
starring in a spinoff of
“Two and A Half Men”
called ”One Idiot”.

Gilbert Gottfried is hired
back as the voice of the
Aflac duck after he saves 2 babies
from a burning building.

Fire officials investigate
the recent pattern of celebrities
saving babies from burning buildings.

The latest iPod hits stores. (photo right)
It’s so small that you need
special laser eye surgery to actually see it.
Operations are free at all participating Apple stores.
The iPad 3 runs on 8 AA batteries
and lasts for 2 hours.
(Apple recommends Duracell Batteries)

“Avatar 2’ in 3D is released…
and as expected a record number of movie-goers
head to theatres,
get nauseous
and throw up.

Anderson Cooper comes clean and
finally admits what
all of America already knew:
He’s not old…he’s just prematurely gray.

To reach an older audience, MTV,
with the help of some technical wizardry,
adds Granny Clampett to the cast of “Jersey Shore”.

Oprah tweets that she hates being retired…
then  jokes she now loves to play bingo.
Within 45-minutes, bingo becomes the biggest
craze  in America.



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