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Bugs Bunny on Twitter

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“Thanks to those shifty accountants at the studio
I’m now living out my golden years
at “The Home for Retired Cartoon Characters.””

“Elmer Fudd is here too.
Thankfully, he’s no longer a threat to me.
His gun is so old that
they no longer manufacture the bullets.”

“Last night a magician
entertained us at “The Home.”
It was fun…until the bastard tried to
pull me out of a hat. The nerve!”

“If you see me on the street do NOT
ask me to say “What’s Up Doc?”
Trust me…if you do, you will regret it.”

“Hey, I have a joke:
Q: Why do I always have good luck?
A: Because I have 2 rabbit feet!”

“You know what my nickname
is for my second wife?
Looney Tunes.”

“For the first time in my life I am wearing pants.
but only to hide the Depends I have to wear.”

“Rachel Ray wants me to make
carrot soup on her show.
Screw that. I’m sick of carrots.
Plus, her voice is annoying.”

“Donald Trump just called. He wants me
to be on “Celebrity Apprentice.”
Probably because he saw
how compelling I was on “Celebrity Rehab.”

“My “Space Jam” co-star, Michael Jordan,
is one bad actor.
And a jerk, too.
What kind of guy celebrates
every time he dunks on a
cartoon character??”


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