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Billy’s Book Club

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Oprah retired and took her book club with her. Damn that woman! I have decided to fill the void with my own book club, so get ready book publishers, I’m going to make your books fly off the shelves! 

My book club has “no” rules…as in lots of  rules that start with “NO”:

NO Kindles, iPads, Nooks, etc. I’m keeping it old school.

NO pretentious books in which the author takes 12 pages to describe a vase.

NO Shakespeare. I am not wasting my time, and yours, trying to figure out what the hell he is trying to say. 

NO romance novels. I read 10 of them and came to the conclusion that if you’ve read ten, you’ve read them all.

No judging of  books by their cover, unless it features a hot chick.

NO James Frey books. Unless he writes a book called “I Am A Liar.”

N0 celebrity bios that include childhood molestation or drug use.

NO inspirational books, like “The Secret,” which proclaims “If you think it, it will come true.” It doesn’t work. If it did, I would be writing this in my Hamptons house, with Brooklyn Decker at my side. And a pastrami sandwich.

N0 books by Oprah. She abandoned us and is now dead to me.

NO books about the economy, the war or politicians. We read enough of that in the newspapers.

NO books by former pro athletes dishing dirt on their ex-teammates. 

NO books that have a picture on the cover of a scene from the upcoming movie version. Tacky.

You know what? Too many rules, too much work. This book club is NO more.

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