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An Open Letter To Donald Trump

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Dear Mr. Trump,

You obviously have way too much free time on your hands,
considering you once again have asked to see
President Obama’s birth certificate.
Well, two can play at your game.
The people have some questions
about YOU they’d like answered,
so please provide the following paperwork ASAP:


Notarized proof stating the EXACT date
you convinced yourself people actually care
about what you have to say.


Copies of your REAL income statements,
NOT the FAKE ones you talk about
that, for some strange reason, have extra zeros.


Your wife’s birth certificate.


Your ex-wife’s birth certificate.


The form letter you use when dumping your wife
for a newer version.


A certificate providing proof you attended
an anti-bullying class


A notarized letter, signed by your sons,
promising that they will not kill
any more elephants or leopards
just for the hell of it.


The address and phone number of your barber so we can
find out what incredible psychological tricks
he uses to convince you your
 hair looks great.
(Hard to believe this is the first mention of your hair)


A promise you will never refer to “The Apprentice”
as the #1 TV show in America.

You always do…and it’s not.


And let’s close with some advice:
Want to sell apartments?
When you name your next building don’t use the word “Trump.”



All Americans Who Don’t Have The Last Name “Trump”






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