Exclusive: First Picture Anywhere of Pope Francis and The Vatican Moving Van

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Things You Probably Don’t Know
About Pope Francis

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Translator   He’s against abortion, same-sex marriage and Anne Hathaway.   Favorite smoke color: White   Traveled from Argentina to the Vatican on Amtrak.   Bought the domain name PopeFrancis.com  5 years ago   He’s the first Latin American pope and already has an endorsement deal with Goya.   Was spotted last week reading “Popes […] more

The Harshest Critiques From The Harshest Fashion Critic In The World, Mr. I. Hate Everything

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Translator “There’s no silver lining I can find when it comes to the design of this dress.” “Makes me want to shoot the designer with a bow and arrow.” “The devil wears Prada. And Anne should have, too.” “Would have been better off wearing one of those schmattas from Les Miserables.” “Did you know Hayek […] more

Tweets From Oscar (Yes, The Award)

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Translator    I have one word for all presenters and winners: Purell.   My cousin is one lucky bastard. Halle Berry won him and keeps him in her bedroom.   The Fashion Police criticize me for wearing the same thing every year. Do they think I have a choice? Do they think I don’t have […] more

Exclusive First Look: The American Version Of Downton Abbey On The CW

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New Carnival Cruise Ads: Made By The Passengers

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The Lengths That Kids Today Will Go To Avoid Having To Make An Actual Phone Call

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Translator Email Text IM Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Pinterest Telegram Telex Pony Express Postcard Pager Smoke signals Carrier pigeon Skywriting FedEx Message in a bottle Lie Steal Cheat Kidnapping Draw Something Tin cans and string more

Possible Reasons Why The Pope Really Resigned

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Translator   Tired of being driven around in that ridiculous Pope-Mobile.   Lost a Super Bowl bet to Cee-Lo.   Moving to NYC to become The Pope of Greenwich Village.   His gift shop, Pope-Pourri, is finally taking off.   Inspired by Justin Timberlake’s Grammy performance to pursue a singing career.   Inspired by Katie […] more

Not Just The Iron: All Of The Monopoly Tokens Are Now Being Replaced

Translator “Breaking News: The Iron has been eliminated from Monopoly and will be replaced by a new cat token,” reads a message posted Wednesday on the game’s official Facebook page. The pretty kitty joins the standard battleship, racer, shoe, wheelbarrow, thimble, top hat and another furry friend, the Scottie dog. It will be included in […] more

Guaranteed To Be Heard At
EVERY Super Bowl Party

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Translator  “Don’t touch the TV with your dirty hands. I bought it yesterday. And I’m returning it tomorrow.”   “Is it Beyonce or is it Memorex?”   “The commercials suck this year.”   “The commercials are great this year.”   “I heard a 30-second ad costs $23-million this year.”   “Ya know, millions of chickens […] more

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